Biggest Liar contest giveaway - 1 million dollar prize! a new car! (none of those)

This will have to work instead as it is mostly on topic:

A preacher was walking down the street when he spotted a group of 4 young boys arguing around a dog.

He approached and asked what the arguing was about. One boy replied, "We found this stray dog and couldn't decide who gets to keep it. So we decided that whoever could tell the biggest lie got to keep the dog."

The preacher was apalled. "Why, that's terrible. You boys should be ashamed of yourselves! When I was your age, I would have never dreamed of doing something like that."

One boy turned to the other boys with a disappointed look on his face and sighed, "Oh, alright,.......give him the dog."

:D
 
I am officially disqualifying myself because my latest initiation as a "Neighborhood Organizer" won't allow me to tell any lies. It seems that our lie quota as a group has been filled by the current administration. I also heard that fishermen, hunters, poker players, and VFW members, even though they work harder at it and deserve it more, must also forfeit their lying rights so that those that feel "entitled" can get their fair share of lies without having to work for that right.

The next step will surely be to have the "common lie" added to the second amendment where it can be regulated and taxed. I see registration and mandatory surrender of lies to be inevitable in the not too distant future. God forbid if you wish to posess an "assault lie" of fully "automatic lie", these too will be confiscated.

Just an observation.
Steve
 
This thing is Amazing!!! My wife can't stop playing with my Thingamabob. She now easily plays with it for at least four hours a day. This is bad. It could easily bankrupt the companies that make Viagra and Cialis. In fact, I understand that the U.S. Supreme Court is meeting right now trying to figure out how to make Obamacare pay for everyone to have a new Thingamabob to play with!!! Tracy is truly brilliant.
 
All joking aside , anyone who is not having some fun with this, there is something wrong with you .....
 
When I first met tracy in 1932 we were having dinner at the white house with Steve janik , Tracy and president Hoover . Hoover actually invented the device but, Tracy owned the patent . Hoover gave us all a gold one , which I still have . When I was made directer of OSS I mean the CIA we had a lot of fun Teasing Stabber .................
 
I think I have lost 5 pounds since i started carrying this thing around.
 
The voices in my head tell me what to say - Tried convincing the wife of the same thing, but the voices in her head, forced her to slap me!

Umm... going out on a limb here.. The president was born in the USA and loves his country
 
Ever since I started using the matching pair that Obama and Gingrich gave me as nipple rings, I've been drunk from sun-up to sun-up and evading the PCH Prize Van!
 
I heard that Sam Adams owner and founder Jim Koch once opened a beer with one of these.

But, no matter how many pints he poured, the beer just kept coming! Finally, he was forced to open a brewery in an effort to use up his infinite supply of beer....
 
btw... I hear if you get two of these, and hold one up to each eye, it gives even the most impaired of possessors 20/20 vision.
 
TONIGHT'S THE NIGHT.
Since I'm going to win the big jackpot on Megasomethingorother....
every KD member will get one of these indispensible thingamabobs. Tracy will be able to retire on the vast $$$$$ he'll be making on these. I'll be able to hire someone to open my orange beverage for me.

WHEN I WIN

Rudy
 
Walked into the bank today to make a deposit, I laid my keys on the tellers counter as I endorsed the check.. The teller looked at the thingamabob and said, "its you"... Me? I replied, yes you she said... We have something for you !! She reaches over and grabs a stack of cash and tells me the bank has made an error in my account and they want to reimburse me for every withdraw from my account within the last 5 yrs and give me an additional 90% on top of that...

I'm still counting money as I type this....

the thingamabob just keeps on giving!!!!!!
 
I got a package in the mail from Tracy on feb. 30 this year and when I opened it there was one of those in there and it was solid ubotainium. With it was a note that said this will open the lock at the end of the rainbow where the pot of gold was replaced by a strong box because the leprechaun kept taking the gold to buy drinks for all his buddies....
 
I was destroying some document from my desk earlier and accidentally shredded my lottery ticket. Does anyone know what the winning numbers were? I had chosen: 2, 4, 23, 38, 46 and (MB) 23. If My numbers won something, do you think they would let me tape it back together?
 
I hung one of the tingamabobs in the front window of my house to ward off zombies. It works! I havent seen a zombie since I did it!

I'm gonna get another one to use on mother in laws......
 
Boy am I clumsy ! Once again dropped my thing-a-ma-bob into the swarf bucket.

Now I've heard of turning water into wine but never before have I heard of anyone turning water into liquid gold.... PARKS 50 Guess now I'll be able to take my blades right up to critical temp on the grinder and just quench'em in the swarf bucket ! Talk about a time saver !

-Josh
 
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