Thoughts on retirement

Discussion in 'Old Dog Knife Makers' started by Calvin Robinson, Apr 15, 2013.

  1. Calvin Robinson

    Calvin Robinson Moderator Christian Forum

    FrSent: Monday, April 15, 2013 2:52:53 PM
    Subject: Retirement]

    This sums it up.

    Retiree's Message

    As I was lying in bed pondering the problems of the world, I rapidly realized that
    I don't really give a rat's hiney. It's the tortoise life for me! And here is why.

    1.. If walking is good for your health, the postman would be immortal.
    2.. A whale swims all day, only eats fish, drinks water, and is fat.
    3.. A rabbit runs and hops and only lives 15 years.
    4.. A tortoise doesn't run and does nothing, yet it lives for 450 years.
    And you tell me to exercise?? I don't think so.

    I'm retired. Go around me.
    Senility Prayer
    God grant me the senility to forget the people
    I never liked, the good fortune to run into the ones I do,
    and the eyesight to tell the difference.

    Now that I'm older and wiser, here's what I've discovered:

    1. I started out with nothing, and I still have most of it.

    2. My wild oats have turned into prunes and all-bran.

    3. I finally got my head together, and now my body is falling apart.

    4. Funny, I don't remember being absent-minded.

    5. Funny, I don't remember being absent-minded.

    6. If all is not lost, where is it?

    7. It is easier to get older than it is to get wiser.

    8. Some days, you're the dog; some days you're the hydrant.

    9. I wish the buck stopped here; I sure could use a few.

    10. Kids in the back seat cause accidents.

    11. Accidents in the back seat cause kids.

    12. It's hard to make a comeback when you haven't been anywhere.

    13. The only time the world beats a path to your door is when you're in the bathroom.

    14. If God wanted me to touch my toes, he'd have put them on my knees.

    15. When I'm finally holding all the cards, why does everyone want to play chess?

    16. Its not hard to meet expenses . . . they're everywhere.

    17. The only difference between a rut and a grave is the depth.

    18. These days, I spend a lot of time thinking about the hereafter
    .. .I go somewhere to get something, and then wonder what I'm hereafter

    19. Funny, I don't remember being absent-minded.

    20.DID I SEND THESE TO YOU BEFORE..........??????
  2. rhinoknives

    rhinoknives Well-Known Member

  3. Lagrange

    Lagrange Well-Known Member

    Thanks Calvin, I needed the chuckle. I like those.
  4. Wade Hougham

    Wade Hougham Well-Known Member

    I couldn't agree more with you on #4, #5 and #19. I had forgot about them, thanks for reminding me.

  5. smithy

    smithy Well-Known Member

    Well Calvin...that pretty well describes me. But I'm really enjoying it anyway, I think...:) ...Teddy
  6. One

    One Banned

    Good one Calvin. :)
  7. Ed Day

    Ed Day Well-Known Member

    Good list Calvin I would like to add to it but I've have to go pee :1:
  8. Gary Miller

    Gary Miller Well-Known Member

    well said
  9. BossDog

    BossDog & Owner

    As far back as I can recall, I have always been forgetful..
  10. bubba-san

    bubba-san Well-Known Member

    Good one , One thing you dont see too often ...... OLD fat people . Most are thin as heck........
  11. brazos2

    brazos2 Active Member

    I'm 80. I've been there and done most and agree.
  12. KenH

    KenH Well-Known Member

    Yep, those are always good to remember...... Shucks, I've never been good at remembering... There was that time when my first wife and I were dating, I walked up to her door, knocked, her Mom came to door. I say "is .......... ahhh..... your daughter home?" I don't think her Mom picked up on me not remembering. Good thing...... I guess.
    Last edited: Dec 27, 2017
    Smallshop likes this.
  13. BrandantR

    BrandantR Well-Known Member

    Thanks for reviving this old thread. It made my day.
  14. opaul

    opaul Well-Known Member

    My thoughts ‘xactlly.

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