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stabber
11-23-2009, 08:15 AM
> A new
> priest at his first mass was so nervous he could hardly
> speak.
>
> After
> mass he asked the monsignor how he had done.

> The
> monsignor replied, 'When I am worried about getting
> nervous on the pulpit, I put a glass of vodka next to the
> water glass. If I start to get nervous, I take a
> sip.'
>
> So next
> Sunday he took the monsignor's advice.

> At the
> beginning of the sermon, he got nervous and took a
> drink..
> He
> proceeded to talk up a storm.
>
> Upon his
> return to his office after the mass, he found the following
> note on the door:

> 1)
> Sip the
> vodka, don't gulp.

> 2)
> There
> are 10 commandments, not 12.

> 3)
> There
> are 12 disciples, not 10.

> 4)
> Jesus
> was consecrated, not constipated..
> 5)
> Jacob
> wagered his donkey, he did not bet his ass.
>
> 6)
> We do
> not refer to Jesus Christ as the late J.C.
>
> 7)
> The
> Father, Son, and Holy Ghost are not referred to as Daddy,
> Junior and the spook.

> 8)
> David
> slew Goliath; he did not kick the **** out of
> him.

> 9)
> When
> David was hit by a rock and was knocked off his donkey,
> don't say he was stoned off his ass.

> 10)We do
> not refer to the cross as the 'Big T.'

> 11)When
> Jesus broke the bread at the last supper he said, 'Take
> this and eat it for it is my body.' He did not say
> 'Eat me'.

> 12)The
> Virgin Mary is not called 'Mary with the
> Cherry'.

> 13)The
> recommended grace before a meal is not: Rub-A-Dub-Dub thanks
> for the grub, Yeah God.

> 14)Next
> Sunday there will be a taffy pulling contest at St.
> Peter's not a peter pulling contest at St.
> Taffy's.

Denny Eller
11-23-2009, 08:41 AM
:haha: Great one, Stabber. Keep 'em coming. Denny

bhamster
11-23-2009, 08:42 AM
brilliant one. I e-mailed it to a very very catholic aunt. We shall see how she takes it.

Mark Redmon
11-23-2009, 12:40 PM
I shouldn't have read that at work... just sitting alone in my office giggling..

Pelallito
11-23-2009, 04:26 PM
brilliant one. I e-mailed it to a very very catholic aunt. We shall see how she takes it.

I am looking forward to her reply. It should be a interesting.:D
Fred

Ernie Swanson
12-01-2009, 06:33 AM
this was too funny